Approaching Loss
A dear friend of mine recently learned that she has cancer in the final stage.
She keeps a blog which she updates daily, in the most optimistic and realistic way. I admire her for that. It’s almost as if she feels she has to support and comfort us – her family and friends – who are devastated. Of course she has her ‘off’ moments too, but overall it’s a positive blog. She’s enjoying the simple things, the birds in the sky, ducks in the pond, sunshine on her face when she lies on the couch and she’s grateful for all the help she gets. She doesn’t understand that everyone is grateful for being able to do something, instead of standing there feeling helpless.
Last week I visited her, it felt strange. Familiar, as a friend of almost 25 years, yet so awkward, as there is no ‘us’ in the future, just me.
What hit me most was the change in her. She was there, talking about the good and the bad, sometimes smiling, but her eyes were… empty, as if her soul had already left. I think that hurt me most. To be with her, yet not.
We hugged when I left and I said: I’ll come back again soon… hold on, take care.
I wonder if I’ll see her again..
Your body lingers
Your soul wanders off, ahead
Soon you will be gone
~ Antoinette, February 5, 2010
Oh Antoinette, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I wish her the best in the time ahead and (((hugs))) to you.
I know just what you are going through here- have lost several close friends- all under 65. I’m sure your friend is comforted by your visit.